Reflection

It's been a while since I've really posted something useful, something which I can ponder upon or something reflective that I can always go back to read about. I was just thinking. It's been quite a while now that these have lingered in my mind...but I never really took the effort to put them down in words.

I'm very disappointed with a few things really. It's more about ME rather than anything or anybody else. These thoughts just can't vanish no matter how hard I've been trying to ignore them and attempting my best to move on.

Above all the things that have happened, the one that has affected me the most is my scholarship and my choice to come back to study Medicine. Personally, I believe that I've already made the right choice. I mean I really do have passion in what I'm studying and I am happy with what I'm doing now. It's just that to come to this point, there were too many unnecessary things in the process. I shouldn't have been so undecisive for I could have gotten a scholarship to study Medicine. For now, I'm on my own, burdening my parents...and what's worse I have to compensate my previous sponsor. If I didn't choose wrongly, there wouldn't be so much financial and emotional burden involved. Rationally, they are all supposed to be parts and puzzles of life...but I just feel pretty down sometimes thinking about the whole thing. I just can't help it. Some people go through life just like a breeze, while I have to brave through the storms...and the vicious emotional cycle never ends. *sigh*

Oh well, I'm just glad that my family have always been there and have been believing in me all this while. Their support has just been so wonderful...and from friends too.

It has been so weird these days; I just feel so empty. I don't know whether it's the holidays that's making me feel useless, or it's just that nothing shockingly new has happened. I just don't have the mood to do anything really. I basically feel numb about everything... Most probably the many things that have happened to me make me so unresponsive! It's hard to understand I think. That's most likely the reason I have always been trying to channel myself to WORK. I reckon it's the best way to escape from sad issues.

I've promised myself to put my full concentration in my course. I need to maintain my grades to pay off what my parents have paid for financially and emotionally. I've slacked badly in the previous semester. Again because I couldn't handle my time and emotion well enough. Now my mind is set to work hard for what I've aimed for. I know 2nd year will be a lot tougher. I really do hope I can manage it well.

There are many times when I really need someone to talk to, but I don't know who to look for. It's all good though...I wouldn't want to selfishly burden anyone with my own problems. So channel them to work and say them all out in tennis! Hehe...

It feels a bit better blogging at least one of the things out today. Bottom line: like it or not, life has to go on...