It's been a while since I've really posted something useful, something which I can ponder upon or something reflective that I can always go back to read about. I was just thinking. It's been quite a while now that these have lingered in my mind...but I never really took the effort to put them down in words.
I'm very disappointed with a few things really. It's more about ME rather than anything or anybody else. These thoughts just can't vanish no matter how hard I've been trying to ignore them and attempting my best to move on.
Above all the things that have happened, the one that has affected me the most is my scholarship and my choice to come back to study Medicine. Personally, I believe that I've already made the right choice. I mean I really do have passion in what I'm studying and I am happy with what I'm doing now. It's just that to come to this point, there were too many unnecessary things in the process. I shouldn't have been so undecisive for I could have gotten a scholarship to study Medicine. For now, I'm on my own, burdening my parents...and what's worse I have to compensate my previous sponsor. If I didn't choose wrongly, there wouldn't be so much financial and emotional burden involved. Rationally, they are all supposed to be parts and puzzles of life...but I just feel pretty down sometimes thinking about the whole thing. I just can't help it. Some people go through life just like a breeze, while I have to brave through the storms...and the vicious emotional cycle never ends. *sigh*
Oh well, I'm just glad that my family have always been there and have been believing in me all this while. Their support has just been so wonderful...and from friends too.
It has been so weird these days; I just feel so empty. I don't know whether it's the holidays that's making me feel useless, or it's just that nothing shockingly new has happened. I just don't have the mood to do anything really. I basically feel numb about everything... Most probably the many things that have happened to me make me so unresponsive! It's hard to understand I think. That's most likely the reason I have always been trying to channel myself to WORK. I reckon it's the best way to escape from sad issues.
I've promised myself to put my full concentration in my course. I need to maintain my grades to pay off what my parents have paid for financially and emotionally. I've slacked badly in the previous semester. Again because I couldn't handle my time and emotion well enough. Now my mind is set to work hard for what I've aimed for. I know 2nd year will be a lot tougher. I really do hope I can manage it well.
There are many times when I really need someone to talk to, but I don't know who to look for. It's all good though...I wouldn't want to selfishly burden anyone with my own problems. So channel them to work and say them all out in tennis! Hehe...
It feels a bit better blogging at least one of the things out today. Bottom line: like it or not, life has to go on...
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Long Vacation
I'm in the midst of my first long vacation in university life. I've got one more month left, after having a relaxing break of about a month and a half. There's not much that I've done for this long holiday really, if compared to the previous shorter one. Probably, there 's not as much big celebrations like Christmas and all those.
So far, I've done a week of attachement in the Panaga Health Centre, which was quite good a learning experience. Well, there were also a few activities by IM that I've helped out in as well. The first being the health roadshow in OGDC...then followed by the one in the Mall. It was pretty interesting to actually go out to the public and do tests on them. There was the Mini Medical School just last week, which I had to do role plays. It was FUN being able to take up the roles of the "Mr Know-It-All" and the bad doctor on that day. Such a funny experience! There's the international forum coming up next week...and the Japanese exchange students coming at the end of the month. Sounds busy...
Oh yeah...results came out! I was on my way up to Bandar, almost reaching home. Out of no reason, I was coincidentally listening to 95.9 FM, the whole way from KB to Bandar! I had to make a U-turn all the way back to UBD after the excited DJ randomly announced that she'd got her results already. Feeling nervous, I waited outside the Chancellor's Hall. I was among the first few to arrive there, waiting for quite a while for the people to paste the results on the board...and weirdly I didn't get the results by SMS. Only later did I realise that I forgot to reconfirm my registration. But well, despite all that, it was a happy ending. I was really overjoyed with my results. It was better than I expected, after having such a rough semester. All the super hard work towards the end of the semester paid off. I was especially happy with the SSM results. Thank God =]
Since World Cup started, I've watched so many matches LIVE! I was just telling one of my friends that this WC alone, I've watched more football than I did for the past 20 years of my life. Haha... Quite true though. But well, nothing else better to do for this holiday. Come to think about it, it's a good way to spend time as well. It's been such a routine for the past week: watch football till like 5am...then breakfast at the pasar...then back home to sleep. Something new at least! What will happen after WC end? Hmph...
I had a steamboat lunch just now with a bunch of close friends. It's been quite a while... It's really nice when so many are back for they university vacation. I really enjoyed catching up as a group. How I wish everybody could be together in Brunei...but well, everybody is now out there chasing after his/her dream job. I'll be off somewhere to study in 2 years' time as well. Can't wait...
No plans yet for the remaining weeks. Probably I'll spend time with close friends. Hopefully tanning, swimming, lots of tennis, football maybe...badminton, going out for a drink or food...parties and all. Hope it's all FUN before university starts again in August!
So far, I've done a week of attachement in the Panaga Health Centre, which was quite good a learning experience. Well, there were also a few activities by IM that I've helped out in as well. The first being the health roadshow in OGDC...then followed by the one in the Mall. It was pretty interesting to actually go out to the public and do tests on them. There was the Mini Medical School just last week, which I had to do role plays. It was FUN being able to take up the roles of the "Mr Know-It-All" and the bad doctor on that day. Such a funny experience! There's the international forum coming up next week...and the Japanese exchange students coming at the end of the month. Sounds busy...
Oh yeah...results came out! I was on my way up to Bandar, almost reaching home. Out of no reason, I was coincidentally listening to 95.9 FM, the whole way from KB to Bandar! I had to make a U-turn all the way back to UBD after the excited DJ randomly announced that she'd got her results already. Feeling nervous, I waited outside the Chancellor's Hall. I was among the first few to arrive there, waiting for quite a while for the people to paste the results on the board...and weirdly I didn't get the results by SMS. Only later did I realise that I forgot to reconfirm my registration. But well, despite all that, it was a happy ending. I was really overjoyed with my results. It was better than I expected, after having such a rough semester. All the super hard work towards the end of the semester paid off. I was especially happy with the SSM results. Thank God =]
Since World Cup started, I've watched so many matches LIVE! I was just telling one of my friends that this WC alone, I've watched more football than I did for the past 20 years of my life. Haha... Quite true though. But well, nothing else better to do for this holiday. Come to think about it, it's a good way to spend time as well. It's been such a routine for the past week: watch football till like 5am...then breakfast at the pasar...then back home to sleep. Something new at least! What will happen after WC end? Hmph...
I had a steamboat lunch just now with a bunch of close friends. It's been quite a while... It's really nice when so many are back for they university vacation. I really enjoyed catching up as a group. How I wish everybody could be together in Brunei...but well, everybody is now out there chasing after his/her dream job. I'll be off somewhere to study in 2 years' time as well. Can't wait...
No plans yet for the remaining weeks. Probably I'll spend time with close friends. Hopefully tanning, swimming, lots of tennis, football maybe...badminton, going out for a drink or food...parties and all. Hope it's all FUN before university starts again in August!
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