Somehow, I thought that having 5 days in Brisbane would be a wild idea during my study break. However the next thing I knew, I was paying for my ticket at the STA Travels. Then off I flew to Brisbane. It's pretty exciting as it would be my first time in an internal flight. More so, I'm flying in an Australian airline: Virgin Blue.
The annoying part was waking up at 4a.m. to get ready for the trip. I took a taxi to the domestic airport. Then, I checked myself in just by scanning the bar code printed on my electronic ticket. Knowing that it would be a long day , I decided to take my first ever shot of Expresso. It really works! I couldn't sleep during my an hour and a half flight...and I didn't really feel sleepy at all on my first day in Brisbane.
Thanks Tina for picking me up from the airport. Really nice of her to see me at 8a.m. in the morning. After putting my stuffs at her place, she quickly brought me out to have Starbucks. We started catching up with a lot of things since we haven't seen each other for a few months already. We walked to the South Bank where the weekend market was happening and I also got to see what I called the "fake" beach.
The weekend market was really fun as I so happened to do something quite unexpected there. Oh well, it remains there... Got to meet up with Tina's Thai course mates. Really nice people; funny as well. I still can't believe Tina can speak Thai...and she's starting to be real good in it!
I had a nap after that, also to refreshen myself and get energised for clubbing on that night. We soon met up with Nizan and Farid. First, we hung out at Chill's, one very unique place. It had a cool, icy environment. The life music was real good too. Had a few drinks...What was cool? I had a shot of Absinth (also known as Green Fairy). My goodness! It was wicked!!! Imagine what 60% alcohol can do...It was really hot I had to swallow cold water to chill me down.
The next day saw me so "wasted" as well, in the Family. Very funny experience! But at least we were on track to go to Gold Coast on Monday. Tina, Farid and I took a train there and soon later, we reached the Surfers' Paradise. As I stepped onto the beach, the first thing I realised was how loose and smooth the sand was. So comforting that I just felt like lying down there and sleep in. We quickly found a spot and then just sun-bathed as we watched the waves lifting the surfers and washing the people in the water.
Feeling so excited, I went into the water too. It was cold! Imagine going to the beach in the winter...But, it's so much warmer in Queensland compared to Sydney though. The whole beach was really just so nice. It's so clean that when one stands in the water and watches the scenery, the beach really defines purity. I will surely want to come back here if given a chance.
Something funny happened on our way back to the city. I was asked for the fifth time in Australia whether I was a Korean. I sometimes wonder which part of me looks like a Korean. But it's just cool!
Well, I wasn't too tired that night. So, I decided to go to the casino. It's my first time in any casino. An eye-opener really! It's really interesting to see so many things there, especially the machines. Hundreds of them! Many kinds of people were there...it's really amazing how some of them could sit in there hours and hours to try their luck. I really enjoyed watching them play the card games and also the Roulette. So much money was on the table!
On the next day, I went to shop around the city. I guess Brisbane has a very different lifestyle from Sydney. It's more laid back here in Brisbane. Without really realising, I soon found myself very near the Museum of Brisbane. It is free to enter. So I decided to go there to take a look. There was an amazing collection of Buddha. I really didn't expected so much Asian influence was on display inside the museum. I was particularly attracted to the video clips, showing how some people were so passionate in what they do in their life. Some things may mean nothing to some people, but to some others, they mean everything.
The thing I was supposed to do on my last day of my stay in Brisbane was to play tennis. But too bad it rained... So, I went to meet up with Nizan and she showed me around UQ. It's a really nice place to study. It has really such a different concept from UNSW. It somehow looks bigger and the buildings are those made of sandstones. It looks very conducive to study in.
Well, too bad I had to end my trip after 5 days. I wanted to stay longer, but exams were so near. I also need to study...to at least get through the session as a satisfaction of completion. Back I was in Sydney on Wednesday night, hoping to be psyched for the exams.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
My teenage feel in tennis
Tennis was really life to me for most of my teenage life. I suppose everyone who played this sport since young would have ever dreamed, or even thought, of becoming a tennis professional, or at least representing their country. It is this immense satisfaction that you get from hitting a perfect shot at that sweet spot that makes it so addictive. There is a need to play every single day to get the endorphin level rocketing high.
Winning a game, a match or a tournament is a whole different thing. It is rather the effort that you put into training that really matters. The whole experience since starting tennis at the age of 12 has been really a major part of who I am today. Tennis, without realising it, moulded me and put in the personalities that came along with myself. It sounds really cynical, but then, here it is: the power of tennis.
My life has totally changed since I picked up my Wilson junior tennis racket, my first of the only two types of racket I have ever possessed. Both Wilson of course. I started putting real effort into tennis when I could hit the ball the way I wanted. Initially, I cannot deny that it got really annoying when I kept missing shots. Persevere...and soon later, with greater self-determination, I constantly tried to better myself.
It has then verged into what some people say, an obssession. This might sound quite extreme, but one has to experience the withdrawal effects of not playing for a single day, before judging this statement. There is a need to play, as everyday is different after all. Like education, it's a never-ending learning process. It's really a matter of how much practice one gets to be a good player. Of course, I really wanted so much to master my strokes.
Sadly speaking, I didn't get to be as good as I wished I was. I only got to a stage where I could represent Brunei in 2 Borneo Games (Sarawak and Sabah) and a few ITF tournaments. Even so, I didn't reach that far after all. It is true that there were local tournaments which I ever won. I really enjoy the satisfaction of all the experiences and the trophies I brought home.
Thinking back, there was also this point when I was really thinking about not studying so much, but going into a tennis school somewhere. But now, I reckoned that it was that sudden burst that made me think that way. It was really persisting in my head that tennis is the thing to do. Luckily, I was realistic enough to know what my priorities are. After watching the movie Coach Carter, I could somehow relate my experience to it. It is really worth watching, more so it is such an inspirational film.
I know many out there had or are facing the strong and deep feeling of playing tennis for life. I cannot deny that some may even feel a greater impact than me. I really understand how it feels. It is a sad fact that it is simply too hard to make a living out of their passion in tennis. Not many can make it. But to those who still can, continue struggling for it! So, the issue of overrating or overpaying tennis players is not that contraversial after all.
Coach Carter sends out a clear, pragmatic message: make education the priority and sports are really just co-curricular activities. It is realistically the right thing to do actually. Like basketball, it doesn't just take talents to play tennis. It takes more than talents. Even hard work alone is not enough to put one into the real tennis world.
Richard Williams has actually taken a similar approach in developing the Williams sisters: they had to score A grades to be able to even train. This is something to learn. Venus and Serena are currently pursuing their degree at the same time. This is not a discouragement to those who are fighting hard to play tennis. Instead, it is somehow a wake-up call: one needs to achieve a certain requirement or even sacrifice some things to play tennis. For me that time, it was sacrificing my sleeping and some of my socialising times, so that I was able to play as much tennis as I wanted, and yet maintained my grades in school. Not easy at all!
Having said that, I gained a lot from the whole experience. I call it "learning it the hard way". Yes...I wasn't able to break through into the battleground of tennis. But I have certainly became a fighter and believer through the game. I have stayed motivated and know my goals in life.
Before ending, here's a quote from the movie to ponder upon:
Winning a game, a match or a tournament is a whole different thing. It is rather the effort that you put into training that really matters. The whole experience since starting tennis at the age of 12 has been really a major part of who I am today. Tennis, without realising it, moulded me and put in the personalities that came along with myself. It sounds really cynical, but then, here it is: the power of tennis.
My life has totally changed since I picked up my Wilson junior tennis racket, my first of the only two types of racket I have ever possessed. Both Wilson of course. I started putting real effort into tennis when I could hit the ball the way I wanted. Initially, I cannot deny that it got really annoying when I kept missing shots. Persevere...and soon later, with greater self-determination, I constantly tried to better myself.
It has then verged into what some people say, an obssession. This might sound quite extreme, but one has to experience the withdrawal effects of not playing for a single day, before judging this statement. There is a need to play, as everyday is different after all. Like education, it's a never-ending learning process. It's really a matter of how much practice one gets to be a good player. Of course, I really wanted so much to master my strokes.
Sadly speaking, I didn't get to be as good as I wished I was. I only got to a stage where I could represent Brunei in 2 Borneo Games (Sarawak and Sabah) and a few ITF tournaments. Even so, I didn't reach that far after all. It is true that there were local tournaments which I ever won. I really enjoy the satisfaction of all the experiences and the trophies I brought home.
Thinking back, there was also this point when I was really thinking about not studying so much, but going into a tennis school somewhere. But now, I reckoned that it was that sudden burst that made me think that way. It was really persisting in my head that tennis is the thing to do. Luckily, I was realistic enough to know what my priorities are. After watching the movie Coach Carter, I could somehow relate my experience to it. It is really worth watching, more so it is such an inspirational film.
I know many out there had or are facing the strong and deep feeling of playing tennis for life. I cannot deny that some may even feel a greater impact than me. I really understand how it feels. It is a sad fact that it is simply too hard to make a living out of their passion in tennis. Not many can make it. But to those who still can, continue struggling for it! So, the issue of overrating or overpaying tennis players is not that contraversial after all.
Coach Carter sends out a clear, pragmatic message: make education the priority and sports are really just co-curricular activities. It is realistically the right thing to do actually. Like basketball, it doesn't just take talents to play tennis. It takes more than talents. Even hard work alone is not enough to put one into the real tennis world.
Richard Williams has actually taken a similar approach in developing the Williams sisters: they had to score A grades to be able to even train. This is something to learn. Venus and Serena are currently pursuing their degree at the same time. This is not a discouragement to those who are fighting hard to play tennis. Instead, it is somehow a wake-up call: one needs to achieve a certain requirement or even sacrifice some things to play tennis. For me that time, it was sacrificing my sleeping and some of my socialising times, so that I was able to play as much tennis as I wanted, and yet maintained my grades in school. Not easy at all!
Having said that, I gained a lot from the whole experience. I call it "learning it the hard way". Yes...I wasn't able to break through into the battleground of tennis. But I have certainly became a fighter and believer through the game. I have stayed motivated and know my goals in life.
Before ending, here's a quote from the movie to ponder upon:
"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.
And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
(a quote from Marianne Williamson)
Difficult experience...soul-searching!
Over the past few months, I have been quiet. It's not that I was having mood swings or was being uncomfortable with the new environment. In actual fact, I really love it here in Sydney. It's a lovely place; filled with many kinds of people of various cultures and certainly, more freedom of expression and also independence. However, I was quiet because I was thinking too hard, too deeply...
Over and over again, I reminded myself that I have made up my mind in January and decided firmly to come over here. And hence, I should hold on to this and graduate as a Petroleum Engineer. This has been constantly working positively for the first two months, when I was still busy settling in and there wasn't much free time to think too much in my daily routine.
I felt that I was starting to lose motivation and drive. I would be so lazy to wake up in the morning to attend lectures. I didn't even care too much of how I was performing in assignments and tests. Though I did well, it didn't make me too excited. Same goes when I did badly, it didn't really bother me. I was so surprised and at the same time disappointed with myself because this is not who I really am.
Maybe I am overdramatic. But then there was this moment which really hit me deep. It was then that I started to think more of my future. Initially, I thought it was just me being homesick, and missing everybody and everything else back at home. So I started to remain silent and keep things to myself. I thought, "Hmmm...time can heal this feeling of sadness and get me all motivated again."
But then, I very soon realised it wasn't that after all because I was settling in very well indeed. It's just that the thought of "I want to study Medicine" kept coming up all the time. It just kept playing my mind, especially when I was in PTRL lectures, and also each time I walked pass the Faculty of Medicine and the hospital near my apartment. Even meeting a doctor or even a medical student got me, in a sense, jealous. The idea of "I could have been one of them" really made my mind start pondering hard whether I was on the right track in life.
Soon later, I was undergoing this phase of depression. No one could possibly imagine how hard it was. I was keeping more silent as I woundn't want anyone to get too worried over me. I am always the happy-go-lucky person...and I want people around me to feel that. But the feeling of misery took over me. That was when I started drinking (not to the verge of alcoholism though); just to relax and chill out with friends. At least, it let my mind off the non-stopping thoughts. It did it's job by making me sleep better and forget things for a while.
Many people may certainly wonder why I shouldn't continue pursuing this degree since I am on such a pretigious scholarship, in which I am already independent in terms of financial needs. More so, with a high position job waiting for me at the end of 4 years...which has very positive prospects. But not many know me well enough inside, of what I really want out of life. I wouldn't blame them, as I myself was uncertain in making what I thought was a "firm" decision earlier on.
After coming to Australia, I had a lot of time to myself, where I can do honest soul-searching. I have realised that I was too overwhelmed by the value of such a pretigious scholarship (more so when I could reduce my parents' burden) and certainly the chance of studying overseas. It was too good an opportunity. Moreover, I have personally, without realising it, blown off my chance of studying Medicine earlier on. Pursuing Medicine on my own would be too taxing. Moreover, engineering is a good field after all in the country.
I was thinking a lot that I started talking to my professor. He was really open to me...sharing his highlights and lowlights as a Petroleum Engineer. No doubt, I respect anyone's opinions. In actual fact, I love listening to people's life experiences. I always tend to personalise them and pick out what I can learn from them. After an hour talking to him, I felt more relieved as he was treating me like his friend, or even grandson.
He recommended that I should have a session with the university's counsellor, as they are more professional in dealing with students' problems. I followed his advice and quickly went to book a slot for myself. It was really amazing talking to the counsellor. He was asking me the right questions and was making me say a lot of things. He started opening me up and left me questions to think about and also tasks to carry out. So I would need to report to him in the next session of any progress. Later did I know he is a qualified psychologist! Cool...
With a more settled mind then, I started talking to my family and also my uncle, telling how I was feeling about the course. Not so much about the course which worries me though. I mean I could try working really hard to pass it, but it was more of the lifetime job which gets me thinking. My uncle, like many do, speaked professionally and gave very open-ended opinions. I know I am supposed to make my own decisions because I am the person who best knows myself. They gave me the support that I should choose something I am happy with.
Very quickly, I went for an interview for the newly introduced Medicine programme in UBD. There were a lot of mind conflicts before, in myself. The thought of studying in UBD itself has never occured to me. But I guess Australia allowed me to think from many different angles. UBD is not that bad after all. I really think that I should start thinking more maturely and making sensible decisions for myself, in the long term.
It is my chance to pursue Medicine: my passion and my chilhood ambition. I mean studying Medicine has always been my mindset. It was my inspiration, motivation and drive to achieve what I've done and pushed me to score academically. There were even personal sacrifices because I always put Medicine as the priority in my life. It's just making my life quite meaningless if I can't be a doctor.
I cannot blame people who asked or will ask me, "Why even bothered to open up to Engineering in the first place?". That is a long, complicated question which only people who know me well enough understands. Shortly speaking, life is not that simple!
Now, I am eagerly waiting for the results to be announced. My only hope to study Medicine solely depends on those people to decide. I hope they'll start treating me like a human, with a heart to follow. I wouldn't want to be treated like the object again. The experience of being treated like an object last time really made me lose value in what I really am to myself. Not many will understand this feeling.
Hope things can go well for me. I am certain of what I really want from life after all the experiences. Living in Australia has really changed the way I think. It doesn't really matter what people think of me now. What matters now is that I have to choose something I see happiness in. Quote "It's not easy to make everyone happy everytime".
I shall end here this time. There are many more things happening, before, now and soon... I'll try my best to blog.
To anyone reading this, thank you for hearing out my experience. Tell me what you think if you feel like it. And to those who helped me through this (you know who you are), I can't thank you enough. Take care...Cheers...
jOn
Over and over again, I reminded myself that I have made up my mind in January and decided firmly to come over here. And hence, I should hold on to this and graduate as a Petroleum Engineer. This has been constantly working positively for the first two months, when I was still busy settling in and there wasn't much free time to think too much in my daily routine.
I felt that I was starting to lose motivation and drive. I would be so lazy to wake up in the morning to attend lectures. I didn't even care too much of how I was performing in assignments and tests. Though I did well, it didn't make me too excited. Same goes when I did badly, it didn't really bother me. I was so surprised and at the same time disappointed with myself because this is not who I really am.
Maybe I am overdramatic. But then there was this moment which really hit me deep. It was then that I started to think more of my future. Initially, I thought it was just me being homesick, and missing everybody and everything else back at home. So I started to remain silent and keep things to myself. I thought, "Hmmm...time can heal this feeling of sadness and get me all motivated again."
But then, I very soon realised it wasn't that after all because I was settling in very well indeed. It's just that the thought of "I want to study Medicine" kept coming up all the time. It just kept playing my mind, especially when I was in PTRL lectures, and also each time I walked pass the Faculty of Medicine and the hospital near my apartment. Even meeting a doctor or even a medical student got me, in a sense, jealous. The idea of "I could have been one of them" really made my mind start pondering hard whether I was on the right track in life.
Soon later, I was undergoing this phase of depression. No one could possibly imagine how hard it was. I was keeping more silent as I woundn't want anyone to get too worried over me. I am always the happy-go-lucky person...and I want people around me to feel that. But the feeling of misery took over me. That was when I started drinking (not to the verge of alcoholism though); just to relax and chill out with friends. At least, it let my mind off the non-stopping thoughts. It did it's job by making me sleep better and forget things for a while.
Many people may certainly wonder why I shouldn't continue pursuing this degree since I am on such a pretigious scholarship, in which I am already independent in terms of financial needs. More so, with a high position job waiting for me at the end of 4 years...which has very positive prospects. But not many know me well enough inside, of what I really want out of life. I wouldn't blame them, as I myself was uncertain in making what I thought was a "firm" decision earlier on.
After coming to Australia, I had a lot of time to myself, where I can do honest soul-searching. I have realised that I was too overwhelmed by the value of such a pretigious scholarship (more so when I could reduce my parents' burden) and certainly the chance of studying overseas. It was too good an opportunity. Moreover, I have personally, without realising it, blown off my chance of studying Medicine earlier on. Pursuing Medicine on my own would be too taxing. Moreover, engineering is a good field after all in the country.
I was thinking a lot that I started talking to my professor. He was really open to me...sharing his highlights and lowlights as a Petroleum Engineer. No doubt, I respect anyone's opinions. In actual fact, I love listening to people's life experiences. I always tend to personalise them and pick out what I can learn from them. After an hour talking to him, I felt more relieved as he was treating me like his friend, or even grandson.
He recommended that I should have a session with the university's counsellor, as they are more professional in dealing with students' problems. I followed his advice and quickly went to book a slot for myself. It was really amazing talking to the counsellor. He was asking me the right questions and was making me say a lot of things. He started opening me up and left me questions to think about and also tasks to carry out. So I would need to report to him in the next session of any progress. Later did I know he is a qualified psychologist! Cool...
With a more settled mind then, I started talking to my family and also my uncle, telling how I was feeling about the course. Not so much about the course which worries me though. I mean I could try working really hard to pass it, but it was more of the lifetime job which gets me thinking. My uncle, like many do, speaked professionally and gave very open-ended opinions. I know I am supposed to make my own decisions because I am the person who best knows myself. They gave me the support that I should choose something I am happy with.
Very quickly, I went for an interview for the newly introduced Medicine programme in UBD. There were a lot of mind conflicts before, in myself. The thought of studying in UBD itself has never occured to me. But I guess Australia allowed me to think from many different angles. UBD is not that bad after all. I really think that I should start thinking more maturely and making sensible decisions for myself, in the long term.
It is my chance to pursue Medicine: my passion and my chilhood ambition. I mean studying Medicine has always been my mindset. It was my inspiration, motivation and drive to achieve what I've done and pushed me to score academically. There were even personal sacrifices because I always put Medicine as the priority in my life. It's just making my life quite meaningless if I can't be a doctor.
I cannot blame people who asked or will ask me, "Why even bothered to open up to Engineering in the first place?". That is a long, complicated question which only people who know me well enough understands. Shortly speaking, life is not that simple!
Now, I am eagerly waiting for the results to be announced. My only hope to study Medicine solely depends on those people to decide. I hope they'll start treating me like a human, with a heart to follow. I wouldn't want to be treated like the object again. The experience of being treated like an object last time really made me lose value in what I really am to myself. Not many will understand this feeling.
Hope things can go well for me. I am certain of what I really want from life after all the experiences. Living in Australia has really changed the way I think. It doesn't really matter what people think of me now. What matters now is that I have to choose something I see happiness in. Quote "It's not easy to make everyone happy everytime".
I shall end here this time. There are many more things happening, before, now and soon... I'll try my best to blog.
To anyone reading this, thank you for hearing out my experience. Tell me what you think if you feel like it. And to those who helped me through this (you know who you are), I can't thank you enough. Take care...Cheers...
jOn
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
