Exams over :)

It's surreal that exams are over now. It's been the talk for almost the whole year. Third year finals. It was BIG. I'm just glad that it's over.

The past few weeks have been non-stop work. Balancing SSM commitments and revision is a task really. I thought it would be a doze at first, but not when I'm expected to produce a good piece of work.

I'm just getting myself to enjoy the beautiful British weather now, and of course my exciting holiday in Denmark in a few hours time. Yipee =D

2 down, 1 to go!

OSCE's done!!!

Well, not the most jubilant moment just yet. There are certain things I could have done better. But nothing can change now. Will definitely reflect on them after exams and do better in future OSCEs. At least now I know how it's like to do an OSCE here. Not very much different from the ones we had back home, just that things have to be done quicker and more is expected out of us. Fair enough - 3rd year - we're supposed to be able to come up with sensible differential diagnoses (on the spot! in 5 minutes!).

Anyway, it's cramming time for the final written paper on Friday. Read read read...and it's annoying how the weather has been so beautiful when we're having exams. Hope it'll stay that way after exams. Lying on the grass, cup of tea, book...how nice :)

I can do it!

Oh revision!

Looking out of my window.
How I wish I could be out there in the SUN.

Positive thinking.

Countdown.
This time next week.
Tea & Danish pastries in Aarhus (by the harbour) =D

I can do it!

Being adult

In medical school, it is extremely easy to be overwhelmed by the ocean of information we need to browse through, most of which we do need to retain to be qualified. At this stage, it's about knowing a bit of everything, and probably everything about some things. Doing this can be extremely stressful.

What is adult learning?

Learning is lifelong; adult learning is about identifying your own learning issues or objectives, and setting feasible targets to achieve them.

words of wisdom from Dr P

It is very true indeed. No one really controls our learning these days. It's all about self-initiative. The keener you are (OR show) in the clinics, wards and theatres, the more you'll learn from your experience in clinical training.

I aspire to adapt to this concept of learning: having my own objectives in life. Another important thing I've learned only after 2 terms is that there needs to be at least ONE work-free day per week where the day has no association to Medicine. Having a break and not feeling guilty about it will make the learning week more efficient.

So for the new term --> work hard on weekdays, PLAY harder on weekends :)

Random thought of the day.

Easter Experience

Lent ends today and nope I didn't give anything up in particular. Will probably think of one for next year. Chocolate will be too difficult for sure, especially at the rate I'm going now. To be fair, it's fuel for exam revision :) Otherwise, I won't be on such a high dose (right!).

On a Tuesday evening, about 40 days ago, it was a happy day worth remembering. Lots of flour, eggs, sugar and milk...plus fruits, honey, golden syrup, double cream, nutella, etc were brought together to make it a Pancake Tuesday! Had a kitchen party at the halls - nothing else but pancakes. YUM! I remembered being TOO full, and Moira trying to make the biggest pancake of the night. Fun.

Pancake brings happiness!

If it wasn't for exam revision, it would have been a great holiday weekend. Like my lovely cousin Jin who's all tanned now after her amazing trip immersed in the Portugese and Spanish warmth, I'd probably be out and about in the fine spring weather we have now. I'm still amazed (and probably jealous) by the tan she's gotten. Nice! But not long from now, I will be enjoying my Danish pastries by the harbour.

So met up with Jin for a nice Sunday dinner in Putney by the river. We decided to head to The Real Greek for a change. It was a lovely walk from the tube station across the bridge. Enjoyed the view of the quiet town by the riverside with the sun setting past 8pm now.

Fancy Greek dinner

It's also Jin's birthday tomorrow. Happy Birthday Jin!

Got back to the halls tired - it must be postprandial sleepiness. But I must survive some revision at least. Probably going through more bones, muscles, nerves, and blood vessels (more than my liking) - which reminds me why Internal Medicine shall be my preferred option, for now at least.

Then, Greg popped into my room with a surprise!

He's gotten me a HUGE easter egg. How nice! Another reason why living in halls is so fun.

I shall enjoy my egg then!

Happy Easter

"No less than an excellent..."

says Dr P.

Had a meeting with my SSM supervisor before lunch today. She had a read through the first draft of my work and thought it was alright, but I seem to lack the X factor to really impress her just yet. She keeps hinting that there is still ample room for my analytical mind to feature in my write-up. At this moment, it's not yet an "excellent". In her records, only 2 out of 50 students over the past many years who've done SSMs with her had scored that top mark.

Pressure!

It is indeed very difficult to put more effort into my write-up in this period with the killer final exams coming up in less that 2 weeks now. Plus excellent or not, it won't count towards my final degree while exams count =S

Why bother then? Settle for a pass, good pass or very good? I wouldn't want that, would I? Difficult to say. There's always that inner drive to strive for excellence in everything I do, so I shall push my way through. How in the world am I going to do this --> I'm not sure. Let's pray hard and hope for the best.

Stress.

My dearest 5000 words.
Make them matter.

Daru meets London

The London Eye by night

Good old buddy Daru has finally arrived in the UK for his clinical elective. He's still the same hyper (in the good way) funny Japanese mate I know since I first became his 'working buddy' in IM a few years ago. Can't believe he's in his 5th year now! Time flies. Very soon he'll be a doctor. How exciting!

Somehow, he brings back memories of times in Brunei and it was just fun talking about all the fun things which happened in Kagawa. Memories of the little Kagawa trip we had back in 2007 :)

Good times.

So I gathered the people he knows from St George's and set up a dinner date to welcome him to London and UK. It feels like coming to London for the first time again when we brought him around to the landmarks of London. Sometimes, it's easy to forget how beautiful a place can be.

Dinner at Hare & Tortoise

(and satisfying my craving for salmon sashimi was just great!)

Salmon Box

Hope he'll enjoy his stay here in the UK. I'm sure he'll have fun in the wards and picking up all those clinical skills he's been keen to do all this while.

On that note, I should seriously concentrate on exam revision now. It scares me how close we are to the real thing!

Impossible is nothing.

Let's hope for the best!

Revision time :)

Sainsbury's basics
88p smoked salmon shavings
--> my new discovery, thanks to Lisa for her creative invention of smoked salmon and egg fried rice. Reinvented that tonight, adding in garlic and mushroom, and cooked with butter. Yum!

The other half of the packet had already been used to make my smoked salmon and mushroom omelette for my lunch yesterday. Good stuff :)

Finally produced and printed the first draft of my SSM. Hopefully there are not too many changes that I need to make when my dear Dr P sees it on Thursday. I expect some grilling of course! Will need to have a mental preparation of how to present those journal critically to her while I'm on my 280 bus ride to the hospital.

Set.

I should really crack on with revision now!

Fancy grocery shopping?

Yes?

There might be some Japanese traits in you! An international online survey conducted by ACNielsen ShopperTrends showed that 58% of Japanese do enjoy and are excited about shopping for groceries...and that's the highest percentage among those surveyed, with Hongkongers being the least enthusiastic.

Ironically, I do love grocery shopping. I reckon it is therapeutic! Not that I'm anyhow Japanese. It's just a really good mini-vacation away from work. That's probably why I don't seem to find it a chore. It's also a productive use of my time as what I end up buying will feed me and make me happy for the next few days at least. Plus, happy thoughts run through my mind when I look at those fresh produce and think what amazing dishes I can make out of them. Colourful packages too --> chocolates, fruits, biscuits, cakes etc. Yummy!

A food lover perhaps.

I've always loved going into bakeries as well, even when I don't even need anything from there. Just the smell of freshly-baked bread and pastries stimulate my amygdala and prefrontal cortex...Too medical perhaps. But yeah, you know what I mean =)

London's a great place to be when you enjoy food. There's such a huge repertoire of culinary specialists from different parts of the world who can simply tantalize your taste buds. Most of the times, it's a price too high to pay for students like myself. But well, sometimes digging out a couple more quids to taste the difference is worth it.

Food for thought.
Comfort food.
We are what we eat.

Craving

Saturday in Tooting

Sun's out, weather's warm --> lovely Saturday

Decided I should head down to read my journals in the sun.
*bask in the sun*


Tooting at 6.30pm


So made myself a fancy dinner tonight as a motivation.

Oven-baked chicken breast stuffed in green pepper

And now:
Write up, write up!

Work on Friday night

Didn't manage to get a good night sleep last night. Probably my sleep-wake cycle is really confused by my poor sleep hygiene over the past week. Oh well, what to do - trying to work at times I think best. *I think I might like night shifts better than morning/day work*

Anyway, it's a bright day coming up! Started my day with a nice lunch. It's one of my favourite easy meals - chicken with mushroom dark rice...easy and yummy!

My chicken with mushroom dark rice

Then I was all ready to meet Prof L. I must say that he's amazing! Took an hour of his Friday afternoon to answer my questions about my SSM when he is not even my tutor. Thanks to him, things are much clearer now =D

Prof L's explanation:
This will get me going with my SSM tonight
(Immunology looks fun, doesn't it?)

Managed to get a few things done while I was out and about today:
- hair cut in Chinatown
- bought a new travelling bag for my weekend travels and tennis tour --> Adidas =)
- pampered myself with a slice of blueberry cheese cake from Starbucks
- had good Thai dinner with the Brunei hall gang
- took down some travel notes in Waterstones for Aarhus
- last but not least --> week's supply of groceries from good old Sainsbury!

It's all good.

Strive

Will get a good warm shower now and start working on my report again. Seems endless. Let's do it! x

Chocolate fun!

Andy bought the flat a cake today =D It's a chocolate fudge one. Yummy! How fun. Love random days like that. The nurses are finishing their term tomorrow, so there are more reasons to celebrate.

Happy evening

I wonder whether I could well be overdosed with chocolate and tea --> things which get me going on with work.

1300 words for now, more to come later tonight I hope. I think I have lost my bet with Suba; guess I'm treating her a meal when I'm up in Bradford next month. Can't wait for exams and SSM to be done! <-- I think I've mentioned this line way too many times already.

On another note, I'm quite excited about meeting Prof L tomorrow as well in central to finally get my head around certain bits and pieces that I simply just don't understand about my Immunology project now. Then probably pop by to do some shopping and perhaps a nice Friday evening meal. London is bright and happy today.

Hope this is a sign of a great summer ahead.

Happy thoughts

Last lecture-day for the term

Just had 8 hours of lectures today! All the lecturers said the same thing at the start of their lectures: "I'm sorry I have to rush through this due to the time", "I usually teach this topic in more than 2 lectures", "Back in my days, we had a term of this", "You'll have to go back and read more about this", "I'll put them up on Moodle as time is running out". Medical education is evolving today. For the better or worse? Well I suppose some guidance is better than none. SDL works for me, so I'm not complaining much.

I'm basically fully saturated now having gone through such a diverse range of lectures today. Feels like there's so much I don't know for exams coming up real soon, now that it's April! Everyone in lecture today is really stressed out about it as well, talking about cramming and what to focus on. *No pressure* I believe I work best at my own pace, and I shall do so.

Glad I had that cup of tea at Moira's...and having non-medical conversation just gets life a bit more normal. It's funny how easy it is to slip back into talks about medical stuffs when you're around medical people. I guess that's probably due to the fact that we spend most of our life literally reading medical stuffs and living in a medical environment.

Lisa's got me more excited about going back home this summer. There's this plan of Andy and her coming over for a vacation. Just thinking about it - there's lots I want to do. It'll be amazing! That's a must-plan trip after my exams!

For now, I've got to get going with writing up. 750words down...much more to go!

Perseverance

SSM

*sigh*

This is so tough! It's been a few days now that I have tried to get going on writing up my 5000-word SSM report, yet my train of thoughts seem to be so slow. I've only managed to churn out 3 paragraphs of work since yesterday. How unproductive.

Sometimes, I wish I had chosen an easier topic. But well, I'm quite surprised myself that my interest seems to be in Immunology - which basically means reading lots of new journal articles which I need to read over several times to just get the basic idea of it. It's interesting though, just quite a pain in the arse when exams are less than 3 weeks ahead!

SSM is getting into me. My hours are totally crazy now! Sleeping at 5am and waking up in the afternoon. I can be a zombie soon if I don't get this fixed. I'm even getting nightmares from what I read. Unimaginable perhaps. Well, in short, it involved hunting and chopping up people so I can get their samples for research. Too much thinking.

My work station

So I know I should stop procrastinating and get on with it. I have set myself deadlines and perhaps a possible "self-reward" if I can get this done by the end of this week. Many exciting holiday plans to look forward to too, well after exams.

Motivation

Let's do it! I can do this X

Living it up in London

Time has passed, so fast that I have lived through so many transitions in life.

Here I am now - in London! I have to say that it has been an interesting journey to fight for what I have always wanted to do in life. It is a dream come true, and I shall continue fighting hard to achieve my dreams.

I am now a 3rd year medical student here in London enjoying my clinical years, and hopefully more to come.

It was just a weird instinct but I think I will start blogging again =) Perhaps starting on the first day of the Year of the Ox (my year!) for good luck.

5 weeks

For the past 5 weeks, I have been really busy, especially when the semester started and I volunteered to help out in the International Summer Medical Programme. There were so much to do. We had presentations, reports, debates, drama, choir and more presentations...yet I really enjoyed the whole month.

It is really sad seeing my Japanese buddies going off yesterday, after spending so much time with them for the past 5 weeks. Although we were all really busy, we managed to spend so much time together. It was really FUN when we had the chance to go out as a group many times. Personally, there were so many new places, especially new restaurants that we went to. Such an eye opener...

The outing to KB was really great...and Jerudong Park, especially the Bumper Car, was such an unforgetable memory. The sleepover and the gatherings that we had were all really enjoyable. Thanks to the Japanese that all the people in IM and some other of my friends got closer to each other. The whole experience itself was really nice.

Daru left a letter and a souvenir in the car on the day he left. It was really touching... I've really made some very nice Japanese friends. I will not forget them... Daru, Naoki, Takashi, Mayuko, Teruyo and Kaori. It's so weird now here without them in IM.

I hope to visit Japan one day and meet up with all of them again. For now, I'm back to more work and I promise to work hard this semester =]

Busy!

It's only been the second week of the first semester in second year and there's just so much to do for now. But being a second year medical student is, of course in a way, cool.

I've been so busy with:
- International Summer Medical Programme
- Tour guide for the Japanese buddies
- Speech preparation
- OBBD presentation preparation
- Drama rehearsal
- Choir singing rehearsal
- Reports
and of course not forgetting SDL for the new cases!

But so far, I've been feeling good about the new semester. Time is going fast with all the workload. So looking forward to December! Hehe...

We've got juniors in our faculty now. It's more lively, and there're more ECA that we can do together. We've been playing futsal, basketball and badminton so far. It's all good =]

Busy busy busy...

OBBD: Going back to basic...

Months ago, I volunteered myself to help out in the International Summer Medical School Programme, not knowing what I would be doing. Now, the 6 Japanese students are finally here for the programme and I have been assigned to become a personal buddy for one of the Japanese students. Before everything fell into place, it felt very heavy on the shoulder, especially since it's in my long summer vacation as well. But now, I'm beginning to enjoy being in the programme.

For the past 2 weeks that they've been here, the daily programme has been pretty light. We had a presentation comparing our libraries and also a debate about medical education systems. Both are pretty fun...and congratulations to our team for winning! The debate was especially more exciting and enjoyable...

Oh well, back to the main topic: OBBD. It was more of a compulsory thing for us, buddies, to join the Outward Bound Brunei Darussalam (OBBD) in Temburong for 3 days 2 nights. Having said that, I was also very interested in the programme as I have never been to Temburong itself. Moreover, it's free for the buddies. So I just went for it!

Before the OBBD, we had a briefing about the weekend we're going to spend there. Nothing much was said by the instructors apart from listing the essential things we are supposed to bring there. Everything was supposed to be a surprise. Ideas started running through my mind and most of my colleagues'. Friends have told us that it'd be all fun and we'll be sleeping on proper mattresses. So we didn't prepare much, just bringing the essentials they've listed for us...and some snacks of course.

The day came. It was a Friday morning. We departed the jetty in Bandar and took a speed boat to Bangar. After the 45-minute boat ride, we had to take a 30-minute bus ride to reach the OBBD Logistics Centre. All excited, all the 17 of us were brought to meet our instructor. We started off with ice-breaking activities. I had a good time laughing...

After all that fun, he had an announcement, "We will safe-keep for you ALL of your source of entertainment, plus ALL of the snacks you brought." Haha! That means all mobile phones, MP3 players, magazines, etc as well as the snacks we brought have to be surrendered while we were in the camp. Sounding like a boot camp now...more surprises coming up!

Then we had a decent lunch, before crossing the bridge over to our dorm. Surprise!!! We were shown our bedroom: a big piece of flat wood in the jungle. Interesting...and who were talking about pillows and all that blankets? Lol. Being optimistic, we were fine with things, and all of us began to set all our expectations low and back to all the basic survival skills.

After unloading our stuffs, we went for more activities and the highlight was floating in the rapids. Gosh...it must be one of the most relaxing things I have done this holiday. Floating in the cold, pure water of Temburong River and enjoying the emerald green scenery. It was just very refreshing...

Like all good things that happen, it felt really fast that we had to move on to the next thing arranged for us. Another surprise after dinner! We are going jungle trekking and sleep overnight in the jungle...Wooo, how exciting - my first ever experience camping.

We packed the things we were going to bring in like a huge trekking bag. We were given rations and we separated the equipments that we needed in the jungle. I had to carry one of the tents. Not too bad, although my bag plus the tent was pretty heavy actually. Anyways, I didn't sleep that night; busy talking while sitting on the grass and not realising the time, especially when we were not allowed watches as well (except for the leader). Then a fire drill at 4.30am...Funny when we were talking just so close to the assembly area.

On the next 2 days, I was elected as the team leader for our team, Pengiran Bendahara Sakam. Assembly at 6am sharp. There was a national anthem singing and flag rising ceremony...and then a motivational speech by ME! Oh God...I really didn't know what I was saying. It was pretty spontaneous and I think I pulled it off by ending with the famous "Hipp Hipp Hooray!" Lol =]

After a light warm-up exercise and a pretty heavy breakfast, we were set to go. Our navigators were Nadzir and Naoky. We were told that they only give us up to 4.30pm to actually reach there. We were like "Huh?", particularly when we left the place at 8.30am. Anyways, we believed in ourselves and with good team spirit, we moved very smoothly through the journey. There were many times when we were told that we're almost there, but we were not even close...and when they said it was the last hill, it's like the last 5 hills. Nevertheless, we got there by 2.30pm. Imagine 6 hours trekking! A few of Bukit Shahbandar's 9 hills...But glad all of us made it! Well done...

At the camp site, we set up our tents and got everything ready before our canoeing lesson. We had to design a toilet nearby the camp site...and it was a hole, 1 feet deep. Interesting huh? And everytime you do your business, you just need to put a layer of soil over it. Everybody share the shit hole. So glad I didn't have a natural calling for the time I was there.

We were pretty early for the canoeing lesson, so we started collecting river water for drinking. Basically no other choices...Hey, it actually tastes pretty good, better than some of the bottled mineral water. And then, the very tiring canoeing lesson...

Then, we were back to our tents before it became dark. The girls started cooking and the guys helped out with the water and washing the dishes later on. It was good teamwork throughout. After dinner was over, we set up a campfire and all of us sat around it and started playing games. Although we were so tired at the end of the day, it was fun!

I had a really good sleep that night...and I was so glad I was able to wake up to wake the whole group up. As a team leader for the camp, I had to do that. Once everyone was up, we all had very light breakfast, packed all our stuffs to be carried back to the Logistics Centre by the Temuai and got ready for our canoes. We would be paddling back to the centre.

There was a short feedback session, where everyone has to talk about what they think about the whole programme...and then we paddled back to the centre. It was 1.5 hours of very hard work. But getting wet in such a scenic place was really pleasing.

Sadly, that's the end of the whole programme. I'm glad to say that the instructor is very impressed with the whole group's performance. We cleaned ourselves up, had lunch and then the closing ceremony, before we headed back to the Bandar jetty.

It was such an experience. I would say it was very tiring but FUN...and there were many skills and lessons I've picked up throughout the programme. I really enjoyed it!

Reflection

It's been a while since I've really posted something useful, something which I can ponder upon or something reflective that I can always go back to read about. I was just thinking. It's been quite a while now that these have lingered in my mind...but I never really took the effort to put them down in words.

I'm very disappointed with a few things really. It's more about ME rather than anything or anybody else. These thoughts just can't vanish no matter how hard I've been trying to ignore them and attempting my best to move on.

Above all the things that have happened, the one that has affected me the most is my scholarship and my choice to come back to study Medicine. Personally, I believe that I've already made the right choice. I mean I really do have passion in what I'm studying and I am happy with what I'm doing now. It's just that to come to this point, there were too many unnecessary things in the process. I shouldn't have been so undecisive for I could have gotten a scholarship to study Medicine. For now, I'm on my own, burdening my parents...and what's worse I have to compensate my previous sponsor. If I didn't choose wrongly, there wouldn't be so much financial and emotional burden involved. Rationally, they are all supposed to be parts and puzzles of life...but I just feel pretty down sometimes thinking about the whole thing. I just can't help it. Some people go through life just like a breeze, while I have to brave through the storms...and the vicious emotional cycle never ends. *sigh*

Oh well, I'm just glad that my family have always been there and have been believing in me all this while. Their support has just been so wonderful...and from friends too.

It has been so weird these days; I just feel so empty. I don't know whether it's the holidays that's making me feel useless, or it's just that nothing shockingly new has happened. I just don't have the mood to do anything really. I basically feel numb about everything... Most probably the many things that have happened to me make me so unresponsive! It's hard to understand I think. That's most likely the reason I have always been trying to channel myself to WORK. I reckon it's the best way to escape from sad issues.

I've promised myself to put my full concentration in my course. I need to maintain my grades to pay off what my parents have paid for financially and emotionally. I've slacked badly in the previous semester. Again because I couldn't handle my time and emotion well enough. Now my mind is set to work hard for what I've aimed for. I know 2nd year will be a lot tougher. I really do hope I can manage it well.

There are many times when I really need someone to talk to, but I don't know who to look for. It's all good though...I wouldn't want to selfishly burden anyone with my own problems. So channel them to work and say them all out in tennis! Hehe...

It feels a bit better blogging at least one of the things out today. Bottom line: like it or not, life has to go on...

Long Vacation

I'm in the midst of my first long vacation in university life. I've got one more month left, after having a relaxing break of about a month and a half. There's not much that I've done for this long holiday really, if compared to the previous shorter one. Probably, there 's not as much big celebrations like Christmas and all those.

So far, I've done a week of attachement in the Panaga Health Centre, which was quite good a learning experience. Well, there were also a few activities by IM that I've helped out in as well. The first being the health roadshow in OGDC...then followed by the one in the Mall. It was pretty interesting to actually go out to the public and do tests on them. There was the Mini Medical School just last week, which I had to do role plays. It was FUN being able to take up the roles of the "Mr Know-It-All" and the bad doctor on that day. Such a funny experience! There's the international forum coming up next week...and the Japanese exchange students coming at the end of the month. Sounds busy...

Oh yeah...results came out! I was on my way up to Bandar, almost reaching home. Out of no reason, I was coincidentally listening to 95.9 FM, the whole way from KB to Bandar! I had to make a U-turn all the way back to UBD after the excited DJ randomly announced that she'd got her results already. Feeling nervous, I waited outside the Chancellor's Hall. I was among the first few to arrive there, waiting for quite a while for the people to paste the results on the board...and weirdly I didn't get the results by SMS. Only later did I realise that I forgot to reconfirm my registration. But well, despite all that, it was a happy ending. I was really overjoyed with my results. It was better than I expected, after having such a rough semester. All the super hard work towards the end of the semester paid off. I was especially happy with the SSM results. Thank God =]

Since World Cup started, I've watched so many matches LIVE! I was just telling one of my friends that this WC alone, I've watched more football than I did for the past 20 years of my life. Haha... Quite true though. But well, nothing else better to do for this holiday. Come to think about it, it's a good way to spend time as well. It's been such a routine for the past week: watch football till like 5am...then breakfast at the pasar...then back home to sleep. Something new at least! What will happen after WC end? Hmph...

I had a steamboat lunch just now with a bunch of close friends. It's been quite a while... It's really nice when so many are back for they university vacation. I really enjoyed catching up as a group. How I wish everybody could be together in Brunei...but well, everybody is now out there chasing after his/her dream job. I'll be off somewhere to study in 2 years' time as well. Can't wait...

No plans yet for the remaining weeks. Probably I'll spend time with close friends. Hopefully tanning, swimming, lots of tennis, football maybe...badminton, going out for a drink or food...parties and all. Hope it's all FUN before university starts again in August!